On my travels in this new world of art, I’ve noticed something a bit disturbing about myself and also in a lot of other people that I encounter. In general, we are not comfortable accepting compliments, and it seems to especially rampant in us women folk. If you think about it, I’m willing to bet big dollars that you’ve witnessed this yourself.
Think about how you commonly respond when someone recognizes you. Do you actually hear the compliment or do you laugh it off-
” Wow, you look awesome today!!’
“I’ve got so much weight on, I Look terrible.”
“Oh, its a mess today, I was running late this morning.”
We all do it and don’t even think twice about it and thats a problem.
If you think that you’re being modest by deflecting a compliment, think again. Accepting a compliment graciously is more often about the giver and not the receiver. Most people, when offering a compliment are being genuine and are offering their sincere opinion. They are not asking if you agree. When we argue with a compliment, we are not only showing disrespect to ourselves, we are also showing disrespect to the other person. You are discounting their judgement , not to mention denying them a very simple’ Thank you’.
In early child development, praise and compliments go hand-in-hand with progression and building self-confidence..So where did we go wrong?? Being a perfectionist is one possible reason for us not liking compliments.
Our own self expectations may be a bit high and maybe even unrealistic. In this case, you might feel that you don’t deserve praise that is directed to you. Another possibility would be growing up in an over critical environment where you received little praise. This could make you feel uncomfortable with any type of praise or compliment, because you’re just not used to receiving them. Finally, you could be a person who fears being in a situation where you may be judged. This could make you avoid situations which might cause you to be the center of attention. That last one sounds like me for sure.
Try to be aware of how you respond to compliments. Don’t trash them, instead bask in them. In accepting a compliment, you are telling the other person that you trust their judgment, it also tells them that you appreciate what they have to say about you. The right way to accept a compliment is with pleasure and gratitude. Instead of fumbling for the right words to say, just smile and say ” Thank you. I appreciate that.” or “Thank you, that makes me feel good.”
In my opinion, we should learn to look at a compliment as a gift. You wouldn’t turn down a gift from a friend, it would hurt their feelings. If you catch yourself falling back into old habits, its never too late to back and say thank you.
“I’m working on accepting compliments. Thank’s for what you said earlier.”
Since I’ve become aware of this in myself, I’ve learned to watch for it on others as well. I’ve learned how to gently call friends on it (in a friendly way).
At the end of the day, it may just help them to share the love and in turn, help others break this cycle. Hopefully one day, we’ll ALL be able to just say “Thank you”.
That’s it for this time, if you have any questions, or comments, I’d love to hear them. If you’re really enjoying the BPA blogging adventures and don’t want to miss out, click ‘follow me’ and your name/email will be added to our growing list of blog subscribers.
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Do you have trouble accepting a compliment? Did this article help you? Can you think of other ways we can work on ourselves?